22 Sep 2011
We know that the family is the basic social unit established by God to care for his children, in the best possible environment while here on earth. In his wisdom he knew exactly what each newborn baby needed to have the best possible chance of a happy, fulfilling life in mortality and beyond.
To me it then follows that our first priority is to our living family. I once asked the person I respect the most as a genealogist, how he balances his time and his response was, "I care for the living, before the dead. When my wife or family members need me I can drop my genealogy in a moment and come back to it later." What a brilliant and healthy perspective to live by!
In wisdom and faith he gets more done on family history than many people may accomplish in a combined effort, with their entire extended family contributing~now and then. By small and simple (sometimes difficult) things are great things brought to pass. Consistency and tenacity produce more than an occasional flash in the pan effort. A little today, a little tomorrow or the next day, that is how it is done. Never, never, never give up. You know this is true in everything you do attain~ no exceptions.
So the first step in becoming a family historian and genealogist is to recognize that your family is of utmost importance to you. You don't save the leftovers for them after you have spent your time and energy on things that matter less. Family is first, only after our allegiance to God.
The first and foremost person in your family is your spouse, and then your immediate family, children, parents, siblings and grandchildren. I think most people a have a sense for that, but sharpening our awareness of it never hurts. Our best efforts at home have a marvelous rippling effect in the concentric social circles around it. Those are the circles that make up a person's life and interactions with all others. No matter what position you hold in a family you will benefit greatly by participating in and enjoying the benefits of creating a wholesome, functional, healthy family.
I think when we have healthy feelings about our family and family life we will naturally want to know more about our ancestors and our posterity. If our family is corrupted at the core the likelihood of an interest in a bunch a deceased people that have gone before, is probably pretty minimal. If we don't keep in touch with our family, are harboring life-long grudges, are estranged from our spouse, children or grandchildren, we probably have a lot to fix before we can become intrigued by our family heritage or creating a legacy. There is a natural order of things and it is hard to put the cart before the horse in family history.
By concentrating on our family life we definitely contribute to the betterment of our society in a real way. In our home we often discuss the ills of these troubled times and invariably we come to the same conclusion. The heart of our existence is the family. Everything that happens at that level affects everything else. Until each family functions well, there will always be trouble in River City. And no public or private agency is going to come to our rescue. The work of fixing is at the grassroots level of each and every family. And the handbook is the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Our plans have to be specific regarding each phase of family life. If you are raising a young family great efforts need to go into teaching and training and building and creating traditions, etc. It is a busy time, but there is still time for family history.
Do you take lots of photos and maybe do baby books or scrapbooking or blogging to keep your history alive? Do you save the fun and important things your children draw, write or create and do you capture the things they do in some way? This will help them remember their early history. Many people now take digital photos of their work rather than store copious amounts of paper and memorabilia in boxes.
Do you make efforts for your children to know their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins? Do you hang pictures of your family up for your little ones to see when you live far away and they don't get a lot of contact? Toddlers can easily recognize the photos of their grandparents very early even though they may not get to see them often.
Do you establish rules in the family about kindness to siblings and showing love and support for one another?
This is all family history work that you do in creating a good family history. While doing these things you are establishing love and high trust relationships within the walls of your own home, and a legacy that they will
want to remember and cherish. Once you become a parent of grown children you have to decide what your role will be in their lives and vice versa. We have established a little mission statement as a couple regarding this aspect of parenting that goes something like this.
"Our mission as parents of adult children is to love and support them in any way we possibly can. We embrace and love their spouses with all of our hearts. Our desire is to be the glue that keeps them connected to us and to each others' families as they concentrate primarily on their own little families.
We try to strengthen their commitment to our collective faith, by bearing our testimonies of it, and by being the best examples we can be in living a Christlike life of service and worship. We make every effort to support our children and reinforce their ways and family rules with their children. In other words, what kids do not get away with with Mom and Dad they do not get away with us. We also recognize we are not their parents and so do they. This allows for a very special bond with them as our grandchildren. When stewardships get confused, everyone suffers. Above all, we are never divisive, we are the adhesive!"We dedicate time and money and a tremendous amount of energy to making sure our family stays strong. We try to have family reunions with no empty chairs, as often as we possibly can.
Since we have many miles between us, I spend a lot of time keeping the home fires burning from a distance, with finding creative ways to keep our connection strong. Their dad spends a tremendous amount of time helping with home repairs and remodeling, giving sage advice on the mechanics of keeping a home maintained properly and anything else they ask for help with. He also does a lot of the organizing and engages in fun outdoor recreational activities with them. He is the epitome of a worthy, loyal, humble priesthood holder and a wonderful husband, father and grandfather.
In my next post I will share some of the ways I have tried to keep the connectivity alive with the kids. Focusing first on the living; that is my priority while engaging in Family History work. We realize that we are still writing our family history and the best attempt to make it good and memorable only makes sense.
Love this beautiful family of mums!All unique but rooted in the same pot.All individuals with a common purpose.All wonderful in the their own way.
